A Day of Learning

Today, me and my “support person” have been summoned to an afternoon of learning about how to take care of me after my knee replacement surgery. I am confident my husband will be nothing short of amazing, and seeing as my mom lives at my place right now and she is a retired nurse, I’m pretty sure we will have this in the bag.

I’m sure this class is a lot about what not to do until your incision is healed, like no bath’s, no cream’s, that kind of thing, but I guess I’ll have to keep you posted.

My surgery is two weeks from today. Today, this minute, I’m not as afraid of it as other days. I feel confident, strong and ready to take on the world today.

Until next time friends




How It Feels…

Soo the closer it gets the more nervous I get. I mean some days I’m fine and I’m ready and on mornings like today I’d say hand me an axe and i’ll do it myself. My knee replacement needs to hurry up and get here… I’m in a lot of pain. The meds they gave me don’t work worth a damn.. they keep me up ALL night but they don’t help with my knee anymore. They gave me slow release Tramadol 100mgs and I hate them, they are pointless. The less sleep I get the less I am able to tolerate the pain I’m in.. Here is exactly what it feels like for those of you who are in the early stages…

  • MEDIAL -on the medial side of my knee I have a very sharp pain when I walk. Some steps are better than others, some steps I take and it’s just a pinch and others take my breath away. There is no pattern or rhyme to which step will be which. It’s not a fun game.
  • SWELLING – my knee is always twice to three times the size of my left. Sometimes the swelling travels all the way down to my foot until my toes are unable to touch the floor, sometimes it stays in my knee. It restricts motion and makes it feel unstable.. like inside is weak.
  • BEHIND – have you ever hit your funny bone? Well not the sharp pain but that pain after that makes you rub it. That radiating pain that shoots from your elbow to our wrist when you give your elbow a good crack… I have that all the time behind my knee. From my knee to the back of my foot that pain is constant. It’s not enough to hurt all alone… but every now and then I have a break down because it’s constant.. when I’m tired, hungry or when I drive, it’s worse. Although not the sharpest pain, it is the absolute worst.. it doesn’t go away not matter what I do. I never get a break from it.
  • SPASM – Just typing the paragraph above I’ve had probably 6 spasms.. I call it a spasm but I’m not sure what exactly it is… every so often I get a sharp pain in my kneecap. By the time I say “ouch” it’s already gone… it’s about as frequent as having the hiccups… it comes and goes.
  • FLUID – Last but not least is the fluid buildup. I frequently have to get my knee drained. Anywhere from 30-60ccs of fluid gets pulled off my knee what seems to be every other month. To put it into perspective for you, a knee should have 5ccs of fluid on it, just enough to lubricate it, so lets say a tablespoon.. I have 12 times the normal amount.. when the buildup gets too much, it restricts motion and my knee wont bend or straighten…. then I have to go get a needles under my kneecap and fluid drained off. It is the most awkward painful, annoying, feel of relief you could ever imagine.

So that is all the knee stuff. That is what I feel. There is no medical lingo which bores me to death and is hard to understand… planters this and meniscus that and joint effusion and medial and lateral stuff… This is what it feels like to need a knee replacement. The short of it is…. it fucking sucks!!

So today it can not come fast enough. I want surgery today. I want to have this pain for a reason, I want it to have an end, or a purpose… the road to recovery is painful and I know that… but the road to surgery sucks pretty bad too.

Sleep last night totalled 4.5 hours .. pretty sure. The nights kind of run together. Here I sit at work, tired and sore and ready to cry but stubborn enough not to. My temp gets here tomorrow and training will begin. She will do some of my duties for 6-8 weeks, once she is trained up I will take days like today off… I should not be here today.

Until next time friends.


Strong Enough

Today, I’m not strong enough to deal with this pain all day. Every step, every bend, every time my foot hits the floor it hurts. When I’m not moving, just simply sitting still, doing nothing, I hurt, it always hurts and I’m sooo tired. I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of putting on a fake happy face. I don’t want to be strong anymore. I want to lay in my bed with the covers over my head and take a day off. Just one. I need one day. I need a little break. Can I please have a little break? Because I’m just not strong enough for this today…



30 Days…

30 Days!

I have just 30 days to wrap my head around the fact that my knee can’t be fixed anymore. There are no more quick fixes or things to try to hold me over until the next quick fix comes along, we have tried them all. On July 12th I will be admitted into the hospital for knee replacement surgery. On July 12th in an OR somewhere they will remove my knee, put it in the garbage and put in a titanium one. I will go in whole and come out with a 10″ incision down the front of my leg held together with 40 staples. 40!!!!!!!!! STAPLES!!!!!!! This makes me very nervous.

I know I can do this! I’ve heard it can take up to a full year to recover from this surgery. Lots of hard work and patience and determination and I’m sure i’ll make it through just fine.

At the surgeon’s clinic he took xrays and discovered that my medial (inside) part of my knee is officially bone on bone. There is no gap left there.. It’s bad. I had some fluid drained off of it (AGAIN) and it made it feel a little more flexible. The more fluid on my knee the more the bend is restricted. Because my surgery is so close he couldn’t give me a cortisone shot.. I think if I wasn’t already married to an amazing man, I’m marry cortisone. It’s incredible. I can go into his office on crutches and skip out of there after a cortisone shot. It makes my skin nice and my hair and nails grow long and strong… It’s awesome. But this time, no dice. Apparently it affects something to do with surgery… so that’s out. ahhhh crap.. it would have been awesome if we could have just kept it juiced until surgery.. no pain days are GREAT days, but let me tell you, I can’t remember the last one.

Every morning I hit my alarm and lay there for a minute, my body still somewhat asleep, and my knee is mostly painless.. maybe just stiff and a little sore but nothing compared to when my feet hit that floor and I have to get up. That’s when the pain starts and it doesn’t stop until long after I fall asleep… I’m tired. I’m tired of being in pain.. my knee is huge.. HUGE!!!!!! I’ve nicknamed her Big Bertha…

img_8630Here she is in all her glory. No matter how many hours i ice and elevate it doesn’t get any smaller, EVER! Big Bertha the right knee. She is a wicked bitch and I can’t wait until she is gone for good. The road to recovery will be long and hard, but everyday will get a little better. I’m hoping once this surgery is done, I’m on here telling you guys that I should have had her replaced years ago.


So July 12th…. D day.

Until next time friends.