How It Feels…

Soo the closer it gets the more nervous I get. I mean some days I’m fine and I’m ready and on mornings like today I’d say hand me an axe and i’ll do it myself. My knee replacement needs to hurry up and get here… I’m in a lot of pain. The meds they gave me don’t work worth a damn.. they keep me up ALL night but they don’t help with my knee anymore. They gave me slow release Tramadol 100mgs and I hate them, they are pointless. The less sleep I get the less I am able to tolerate the pain I’m in.. Here is exactly what it feels like for those of you who are in the early stages…

  • MEDIAL -on the medial side of my knee I have a very sharp pain when I walk. Some steps are better than others, some steps I take and it’s just a pinch and others take my breath away. There is no pattern or rhyme to which step will be which. It’s not a fun game.
  • SWELLING – my knee is always twice to three times the size of my left. Sometimes the swelling travels all the way down to my foot until my toes are unable to touch the floor, sometimes it stays in my knee. It restricts motion and makes it feel unstable.. like inside is weak.
  • BEHIND – have you ever hit your funny bone? Well not the sharp pain but that pain after that makes you rub it. That radiating pain that shoots from your elbow to our wrist when you give your elbow a good crack… I have that all the time behind my knee. From my knee to the back of my foot that pain is constant. It’s not enough to hurt all alone… but every now and then I have a break down because it’s constant.. when I’m tired, hungry or when I drive, it’s worse. Although not the sharpest pain, it is the absolute worst.. it doesn’t go away not matter what I do. I never get a break from it.
  • SPASM – Just typing the paragraph above I’ve had probably 6 spasms.. I call it a spasm but I’m not sure what exactly it is… every so often I get a sharp pain in my kneecap. By the time I say “ouch” it’s already gone… it’s about as frequent as having the hiccups… it comes and goes.
  • FLUID – Last but not least is the fluid buildup. I frequently have to get my knee drained. Anywhere from 30-60ccs of fluid gets pulled off my knee what seems to be every other month. To put it into perspective for you, a knee should have 5ccs of fluid on it, just enough to lubricate it, so lets say a tablespoon.. I have 12 times the normal amount.. when the buildup gets too much, it restricts motion and my knee wont bend or straighten…. then I have to go get a needles under my kneecap and fluid drained off. It is the most awkward painful, annoying, feel of relief you could ever imagine.

So that is all the knee stuff. That is what I feel. There is no medical lingo which bores me to death and is hard to understand… planters this and meniscus that and joint effusion and medial and lateral stuff… This is what it feels like to need a knee replacement. The short of it is…. it fucking sucks!!

So today it can not come fast enough. I want surgery today. I want to have this pain for a reason, I want it to have an end, or a purpose… the road to recovery is painful and I know that… but the road to surgery sucks pretty bad too.

Sleep last night totalled 4.5 hours .. pretty sure. The nights kind of run together. Here I sit at work, tired and sore and ready to cry but stubborn enough not to. My temp gets here tomorrow and training will begin. She will do some of my duties for 6-8 weeks, once she is trained up I will take days like today off… I should not be here today.

Until next time friends.

xo

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